Today Jesus Christ rose from the dead and I oso rise from the dead

Wah lan eh nabu cheese pie lim bei lunch hour...I damn sibei nong nvr come here write post liao.
Today Easter Sunday Jesus Christ rose from the dead, so have I risen from the dead to come tok cock on my blog again. Jesus was dead for 3 days, I was dead for 3 months.

So...wat happening exciting thing happen to me for these past 3 months? I recount every detail to u now....1st of all, every the morning I wake up, I must open my eyes...then I sit up straight, then I turn around to face the side of my bed, then I step out of my bed legs 1st, then I stand up, then I either put my left leg or right leg forward in order to move myself forward (Newton's 3rd Law - Action vs Reaction) and walk towards the door, den I open the door usually wif my right hand, and I step out of the door and walk towards the toilet and into the toilet, den I close the door, den I remove my shirt, den I remove and shorts and underwear together at the same time (see...its a combo), den I sit on my Frozen Throne...den I bomb Hiroshima, den I give it the Royal Flush....and den if I continue any longer I can write the next bestseller novel. See, my life so happening right?

Last 2 weeks quite the interesting coz got 3 China pple from China come to our class 2t13 for some exchange programme, very the lucky...I nearly exchange my favourite Arnold Palmer underwear with 1 of them until Arthur Tok Cock Sing Song say to me, 'U stupid cock koo koo jiao, exchange programme 4 u to exchange culture and background, not 4 u to exchange underwear ok!?' I tell u the most solemnly, my chinese so damn powderful until the China pple no choice have to use Engrish to talk to me...I coerce them into it wif my powderful use of Chinese...after dat dey all clap their hands and say 'Ni de hua yu zhen bang ah!!!' I tell eiu, 1st time I hear such things man. And basketball neh neh pok, I cannot stand dat Dick man, he really is a dick ah...he come here for exchange programme but take 2 weeks long term MC, and nabu he still got the tenacity to write in his farewell card '2 weeks is such a short time, I have so many memories wif u all, I had unforgettable memories here and made so many friends.' Ya of coz lah, 2 weeks as short as his koo koo bird, all the memories he'll ever get is sleeping in NUS hostel. But the other 2 guys better, at least dey come to sch each day 4 at least 2 hours b4 they go home, and each time I had a nice chat wif them in my perfect Mandarin.

Today, the Father give sermon, he say 'Jesus Christ conquered sin and death by rising from the dead, and through his rising from the dead, we have been saved from our sins.' Aye hello Father? I raise my little brother up for you to show u how I save mankind from extinction ok? After dat, u can sing the Josh Groban You Raise Me Up to add to the effect.

Ok I better go now...my eyes r getting very the sleepy and got the school to go to tmr...

-PS I love you MYM]Moon, coz u're my idol and even though u dun know who the hell I am and I still love you the way I love my toilet bowl and coz u r the breast Nightelf player in the world and can learn so many tricks from u.

Kena Birthday Suprise At LT1

Yesterday I kena birthday suprise by my choir kakis...
In the morning at assembry, Natasha, Cheryn, Qi Bitch and Andrea gave me 2 presents...1 flower softtoy and a doggie...den Natasha oso wrote a special letter 4 me...wah...must use mirror to read 1...wah...so early in the morning make me so emo!!! No one ever remembers my birthday other than my family 4 the past dunno how many years. I so emo...but must hold back my tears coz assembry got many many pple...wait dey tink I sissy gay...even though I am 1...but cannot spoil my allady jeopardized reputation. Dis suprise really took me by suprise...little did I know dat there was another suprise waiting to suprise me.....

When I came in 4 practice at 3.35pm, every1 allady like prepared 4 warm-ups, so dey ask me faster say prayer to start practice. Then later Qi Bitch started the warm-ups...make us do the 'shh shh shh....' like wanna pee pee lydat...our usual warm-ups..suddenry the lights all went off...I tot is the usual CJC blackout coz CJC very the poor always nvr pay PUB bills...so last year got like 1 millions blackouts in our school...budden hor...how come the lights went off but the air-con still on har?!?!? Dat means actually is not CJC nvr pay PUB bills...Den suddenry again every starting singing Happy Birthday...more in tune than those celebrating in the canteen...den I oso clap along wif them...wah lao...how come I clap along wif them? I forgot is my own birthday lah!! Wah sia lah...later Fabian Darling and Hoho and Andrew Goh gimme big hug like Teletubbies lydat...den oso got birthday cake and somemore presents 4 me sia!! Bought by Celine, Hoho, Cheryl Cher, Isabel, Sam Foo and Sam Lee...Sia lah...dey really touched me...so later must report to police...hahaha!! Joking joking...

Nvr had a birthday suprise or celebration even by my breast friends in all these 18 years of my short life. So yesterday dey made me feel special...so I shld go to the special sch 4 special pple...or maybe the mental institution called Raffles Institution.

Thanks guys...choir rocks!! And stones!! And pebbles!!! Thanks 4 adding so much colour to my life...I really cherish the moments we had together...sadly we only have a little more time together b4 we leave...I really do hope we'll end this year and the SYF wif a bang!! Den after dat can go to Bangkok to bang their cock!! YeA!!!

I want to be the breast at Warcraft III

Wah...I nong nong time neber write new entry so now I gonna take some time off to pour out my feerings on my blog.

B4 I go into my main subject, I must say something 1st...wah lan eh...after using dis blogger for 2 3 months allady dis blog still look so simple, wah lan...I really sua gu at all dis computer things lah...I dun even know wat html is....according to my own defination is 'how to make love'...dat one I tink I know coz I live in Geylang where love is always in the air...as well as the bedroom. So maybe if anyone can help me renovate my blog maybe I treat u to kopi-O someday, ok?

Ok...so hor as I was saying...nowaday I revert from DoTA back to the orgiginal Frozen Throne coz I tink DoTA too relaxed liao...den now I very the passionate abt Frozen Throne Standard Game. I watch so many replays from all the top players and of all MYM]Moon is my idol coz he is the breast Night Elf player on Earth and the Moon...budden my no.1 idol is still Mr Toh Ban Sheng coz he look like 26 yr old even though he is 36 yr old, so I aspire to be like him in the future...maybe I can start by going 4 the Sam Foo Facial Treatment, Sam Foo say can make my face better...u mean my face not good enuff meh? Every the morning I wake up I get a shock when I look into the mirror, 'Oh my goddess!! Who dat handsome guy I see? Staring straight back at me!!? Ahya...always forget is my own reflection...chey bah...every morning make me tink got Taiwan superstar in my toilet. Anyway hor, every time I pray Standard Ladder game on Warcraft...I is very the serious 1...sometimes oso very the stress when I pray...maybe I shld say the Warcraft III prayer b4 I start playing all the time - Lord have mercy on my enemy, becoz I won't. My prayer steady pom pee pee hor? Budden hor, I really dun like whenever I lose to other pple in standard game especially when they lower lvl than me, make me very the angry...make me wanna bang my head against the wall and go to Bangkok to bang my cock.

Nowaday cannot train my Warcraft skill every day coz got A level, budden A level is only Amateur level wat? Really must study everyday meh? Really must practice maths everyday meh? Pple say dat practice makes perfect...budden nobody is perfect wat, so y shld I practice hor? Coz now come back so late everyday I no mood to play, come back to sleep only..so now can only practice during weekends juz to maintain skill level. If dis year cannot join WCG den lydat when can join har!?!? Next year I already join NS preparing 4 war...I no time to play warcraft next year coz everyday I will be playing wif my SARS rifle (Singapore Assualt Rifle of Singapore). Maybe if got SCGS (Singapore Cyber Games in Singapore) den I can join...dun need to go fly to dunno simi country to play World Cyber Games.

Ahya...I so the busy wif so many things, got Amateur level, got Legion of Mary, got piano exam, got choir, now oso leader in Altar Boiboi Society...lydat how to be the breast at Warcraft? Ahya...I go bathe 1st lah...later got some asses to kick in standard game.

Sakae Buffet is damn gay!!

Wah lan eh...Sakae Buffet is damn gay!!

Today we all the choir kakis go eat Sakae Buffet at Wheelock Place at Orchard Road in Singapore coz its the day b4 Celine Choe's birthday...Wah I tell you, now not only must go Bukit Timah train choir set piece, now oso must go there train eating...

Today I ate 16 plates at Sakae Buffet...not bad for a skinny boy like me...I eat until damn damn full...so at first I wanted to go home and weigh myself so can use my new weight to buy 4D number...den later I see my weighing machine only got until 100+ kg...ok loh....sian ji pua...I tell you...Sakae Sushi look like CJC Zoological Gardens and we r the exibits...and 3pm to 6pm is like feeding time to feed the CJC Monkeys...the food kept coming non-stop..I tink the chef and waitresses all damn stressed man...I salute them not once they miss out any of our orders...Good job zookeepers!!! I got a feeling tmr Sakae Sushi will go bankrupt coz we depleted them of their food supply...I tink if CJC got Eating Society our choir sure win Gold with Honours at SYF...

And now here's the Sakae Sushi Song

Wo Ai Ni, Sakae Sushi
Jiu Xiang Lao Shu Ai Da Mi
Everytime I so hungry,
Surely go eat Sakae Sushi

If you’re bitter, don’t think further,
Just go eat Sakae Sushi
Unless you really no money
Then you better go eat…Sakae Sushi

Want to sing choir set piece might as well sing Fantasie Impromptu

Oh my goddess!!! I 1st time see the choir set piece I thought is for playing on the piano 1...wah lao eh...my eyes go up go down go up go down after dat I very the dizzy...maybe next time before I look at the score again should take motion sickness pills 1st juz to be on the safe side. Backside lah...want me to sing choir set piece I might as well sing Fantasie Impromtu ok? I tink hor...I go up the to the mountains (maybe Bukit Timah Nature Reserve) and train for 3 years 1st like in the kung fu movies den later come back down can go kick people backside. Somemore hor...the set piece is called 'Song without Words II'. SONG WITHOUT WORDS!?!?!?! Aye Phoon Yew Tien....how do I sing a song without words har!?!? You got study Engrish or not ah!?!? According to my Oxford Pocket Dictionary...a song is a composition of words set to music or for singing. I tell u lah Phoon Yew Tien, I tink u better go back primary school and take PSLE 1 more time juz to be safe ok? And somemore hor...dis guy damn racist lah...he compose this song for the Chinese, Malay and Indian people in Singapore. Ay, Singapore no Eurasian pple, Engrish educated pple ah???

I tink next 2 years SYF better let me compose set piece lah...I will compose not only for Chinese, Malay, Indian and Eurasian pple...but oso for the Bangla construction workers who build our country and the different ethic groups dat work in Geylang to provide services for the pleasure of mankind. I very the fair 1 ok? This year SYF we all good game liao...I tink I better go pack my bags, tmr go Bukit Timah for secret training...

Nowaday I dream I become superhero

As school life begins, pple often dream of their dreaded homework and lessons in school....What do I dream about leh? The past few weeks I dream I become spiderman and superman!! What the mother backside lah!!!

I really dunno why I dream of such things lah. Got a few kinds of dreams dat I usually get whenever I sleep. And its not visiting Disneyland or wondering around an enchanted forest visiting pixies and fairies (although it might be quite nice)....budden hor, I dunno why I always dream about war and occasionally abt becoming superhero. Whenever I dream abt war hor....I always the 1st to run away, my nightmare abt war always very the realistic 1...if u come into my nightmare, u will tink u in the Saving Ryan's Privates movie...maybe that's why I always so the looking forward to enlisting into army, can prepare 4 war...and during war...can run away. The only type of war dat I dun run away from is Warcraft...coz Warcraft is non-violent and very the colourful...juz like in a fairyland...wif lots of fairies, bears, little elves, centaurs, knights and orcs killing and butchering each other.

I dunno why I nowday dream I become spiderman and superman. I read from a book called Sophie's World (coz its the world of Sohpie) dat all our dreams have connection to our past even to the times when we were small small chewren...maybe its like if u every night dreaming of naked women den maybe its coz in the past ur daddy used to read u porn magazines 4 bedtime stories something lydat. Budden hor, wat link does superman and spiderman have to do wif my childhood? Is it I small that time I wanted to be a crime fighter? Budden nowaday the spore policemen where got fight crime 1? I see all that dey do is go around schs telling all the small chewren dat stealing is a bad thing and dat if u steal will kena caning 1 million times. Take Nabino 4 example...he is a policemen and suppose to go raid those sell pirated cd pple...then when he go raid dat time I tink he also keep some of the cds 4 himself loh...I tink lydat I grow up oso want to go fight crime one. One thing I dun like abt being spiderman in my dreams is dat everytime I dream I spiderman...always so fast run out of the web thing...like shoot halfway dun bo ammo liao...lydat how to fight bad guy wif no ammo!?!?!? Lydat I wish I dream I was Mr Fantastic from Fantastic Four lah...dun need ammo 1...his whole body can stretch here stretch dere...even his down there can stretch extra long.
Bad Guy: HAHA!!! I got away liao!!!
Mr Fantastic: Taste the wrath of my Extendable Third Leg!!!
Bad Guy: Oh no!! I tio the wrath of Mr Fantastic Extendable Third Leg!! Wrap around me buay sai move liao!!!

Mr Fantastic dat thing so long...he niao niao dat time maybe take as long as Isabel to bathe finish...lucky I got her a towel. Wah sian man...sch start liao, got A level dis year....budden nehmind...I will still do my breast to update my blog and keep everyone updated on my life and my adventures...I am aware that everyone is counting on my breast....

Yesterday I become Santa Claus

First, I wanna wish everybody a Merry Christmas!! After celebrating Xmas 4 like over 10 yrs, I quite the sian of the same thing every year, is omost like deja vuu lydat...every year serve mass until early in the morning 1.30am, come out of sacristy find pple to hug hug kiss kiss, den later go canteen eat cha siew pao and siew mai (not even the xmas mood lah, should have turkey), hug more pple, xchange presents bought from pasa malam...wah lao...so damn fun man...I tink I go bang my head against the wall even more thrilling. So this year hor, I came up wif my ingenious plan dat was inspired by my childhood hero....Santa Claus.....I plan nong nong liao...to deliver presents to pple's doorstep early in the morning, even plan the route zun zun...better later still got lost..So now limme recount the story of the night I become Santa Claus...Ho ho ho.........................

The eve of xmas, I prepared a mindmap (coz its in the mind) of the places I wanted to go and the route that I should follow, and even take buss 966 to famaliarize myself wif foreign terrain...den the morning after midnight mass...after hug hug kiss kiss session and eat cha siew pao finish...I siam home to get ready my secret operation. I siam home already like 2.30am...I very the sleepy..got half a mind to go sleep...somemore must wait until my mother go sleep...basketball sia...I wait until 5am b4 she finish playing computer and go sleep...sia lah...I really dunno wat she playing for 2 hrs 30mins...minesweeper so fun meh?? So after dat I took all my presents and equipment and ninja out of my house. I know this is my Operation Santa Claus budden I didnt have any simi red nose raindeer...only got cockroach and lizard in my house...how to ride them? So I use my bicycle dat I got fixed a couple of days ago.

So I send my presents to these 4 places respectively, daniel tan, clement, xiu fu and celine...I tell you..the 1st 3 mission very the chicken feet coz its all near my house, only thing is how to get past security guard...my usual tactic is juz wave at the guard den dey tink u r resident at the condo...always works. Mother backside sia...why must Celine stay at toa payoh ah?? I know Singapore very the small but cycle from geylang to toa payoh is like want to swim across Great Indian Ocean without the Indians or Banglas. By the time I reach the PIE expressway, I feel like commiting suicide liao. very the easy...juz swerve abit to the left can get knock down by car. I not only very the tired, my lanjiao and backside oso very pain coz I hit dunno how many bumps and my bicycle only got suspensions in front...until today my backside still hurts. So I cycle along the PIE, dat time around 6.30am liao...at dat time I tot I was dreaming coz my mind half switch off liao...even better I go wrong lane go all the way to Braddell Flyover...lucky I ask 1 Ahma at a overhead bridge and she pointed the way to Toa Payoh...WAH!!! THANK YOU GOD AH!!!! This is the kind of thing dat reminds me of the show Touched By an Angel, the ahma is like the angel but instead of saying to me,'God loves you', she say,'TOA PAYOH AH!?!? TOA PAYOH DAT SIDE AH!!!!' But still dat was as heavenly as it can get.

I cycle cycle cycle and ask 4 directions dunno how many times b4 coming to Toa Payoh Central...at time 7.00am liao...My hp omost reaching zero must go back Fountain of Health. So I went up to Celine's apartment unit wif the help of a stranger (budden strangers r juz friends dat u have not yet met...hahaha). I sat outside her door and had my breakfast bought from Esso and msg Celine to come out,...I damn tired so fell asleep 4 abt 15mins b4 she replied my msg (her reply was like,'Omg daniel! Wat r u trying to do?') and came out. She come out dat time kena stunned coz got 1 dirty smelly boy sitting outside her house. By dat time my present all crumple liao coz very the big and difficult to cycle wif. After dat she accompanied me out, I tot can bring bicycle in SBS Bus or MRT budden the bus auntie and control station uncle chase me away. So I park my bicycle under my grandmother's flat and took MRT home.

When I reached back already like 9am but still need to serve mass at 10.30am...wah lan eh...whole night nvr sleep I damn damn tired sia...I had half a mind to go Geylang Lor 15 to give China lady xmas present budden I remember xmas is a season of love...not a season to make love. Somemore I had confession 2 days ago dun wanna go again...so lay chey and so malu.
Father: My child wat bring you here?
Daniel: Breast me Father 4 I have sinned....
Father: Tell me ur sins...
Daniel: Father, I nvr use protection...
Father: Protection? Against S.A Tan, the Evil One?
Daniel: No Father, protection against something more powderful than Steven Andrew Tan...the AIDS virus, and I tink I oso give the China lady a baby as xmas present.
Father: MY CHILD!! How is it dat u r inveigled and enticed by the temptations of the devil!?!?
Daniel: Aye Father, is not dat ok? You nvr read newspaper ah? No wonder u fail GP and have to become priest. Our PAP gahmen say 'MAKE MORE BABIES!! MAKE MORE BABIES!!!', 'MORE BABY BONUS!!! LONGER MATERNAL LEAVE!!!' I only following instructions ok? Is it a sin to follow instructions?
HAHA!! I wish my confession is lydat lah...den lydat I champion liao...

So after my operation I very the tired, I wanted to rest a little while on my bed but fell asleep after a few minutes and woke up at 1.40pm...wah lao.... dun need to serve mass liao ah!!! I tell u ah...I nvr want to try Mission Impossible and cycle on highway liao, like swimming wif sharks lydat or borrowing money from loanshark...next time I use my brain abit more and take SBS Bus...my skillful shifu Xiu fu say next year he wanna try this mission impossible wif me...I feel like telling him,' Er maybe if I wanna commit suicide then I do wif you ok?'

Celine - Sorry I squish ur xmas present and come to ur house all smelly and dirty..next time I make sure I bathe in ur swimming pool 1st...